He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
