I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
