Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
