i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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