I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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