She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
