Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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