you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
