People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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