38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
