You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
