Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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