i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
