so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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