Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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