the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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