is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
