If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
