1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
