worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
