Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
