you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
