Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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