If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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