You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
