i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
