had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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