Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Randomize