Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
