highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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