I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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