my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
