masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize