I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
