You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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