i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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