..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
