guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
