I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
