You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
