I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
