I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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