I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
