distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I could fuck to npr.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
