I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
