If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize