Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
