I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
