bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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