I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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