At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
