Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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