Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
