I feel like abortions should bother me more
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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