So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
