he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
