I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
