Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
