He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
