I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
