so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
