I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
