Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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