I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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