woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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