You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
