she looked like the bat from fern gully.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
